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I long and dream of the day we will all be reunited. He has ripped away my sense of safety, my self esteem, trust, and enjoyment in the simplest of things. Each thing I struggle with that has it’s trouble spots originating from his terroristic manipulations, I find that I also struggle with making them hard limits. It is like still allowing him to have a say or a power in what I do. And as Master and I talked and I began to open up to Him, He said I could not let this man continue to win, He said He could not allow me to allow him to continue to win. That is how the decision was made to push a hard boundary.One of the first major boundaries my Master pushed was that of fisting. He saw where I had listed it as an interest on the list I filled out for Him. He has had a special way of drawing out the things I fear the most and turn them around in a way where I can see that the only things I need to fear is fear itself, and fear in not allowing myself to go and stay in some sort of. As is my usual practice when needing their services, I had taken a simple sketch of the device that I wished them to construct. We spent some time in discussion of the best materials to be used for each element; whether brass here or steel, whether mahogany there or oak, whether leather or rubber for this component. In the course of our debate the design changed subtly but by the conclusion of our discussions we had an agreement on the work to be carried out and, I was pleased to say, an expectation of a completed device before the end of the week. I was also, I must confess, delighted by the enthusiasm that all I spoke with felt for the project.Madame Genoux, however, proved less tractable when I outlined my requirements. "M'ssieur, this is most irregular. I do not normally consider that the products of my labour should ever be used in this way. To train, yes. To enhance or beautify, of course. To punish, even, yes. But to do as you propose, it offends me." Madame," I responded, "I.
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